I just got off the phone with a good friend who was looking for ways to build relationship with an executive’s assistant. He was full of ideas on how he could do that. One idea was to just drop by and say hello, another was to send a card and yet another was to invite the assistant to lunch. Those are all valid ideas but the question is how does the assistant like to build relationship? You see what you would do for one person could be the exact opposite for another. To say it a different way one persons desert is another person’s poison. So I asked my friend is the assistant outgoing or slightly reserved? He said reserved. Is the assistant analytical or cooperative? He said she is cooperative. I said that is great because we now know what to do, what to avoid and we mapped out a plan.

His challenge is one that all of us have. When trying to influence someone or build relationship we are naturally wired to take the approach we want people to take with us. At best that will works 20-40% of the time. Instead if you influence people the way they want to influence you will build a good relationship 100% of the time. In sales we know that it takes more than strong relationships to win the deal but if you don’t build a strong relationship I guarantee you won’t be getting the deal!